just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
