I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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