grandma shit on top of the toilet
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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