I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
