Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
