dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
