the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
