I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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