He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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