Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
