You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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