I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I bet he comes in French.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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