How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
