Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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