she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
