okay pat passed out under dana's car
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
