I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
