Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
