my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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