Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
