get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
