I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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