I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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