I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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