I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
