please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
