There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
