I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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