Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
