I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
