Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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