I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
