I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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