That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
should my penis look like a turkey
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
