Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
