if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
