Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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