Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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