He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
