I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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