im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
