this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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