had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just pee around me
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
