We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
