Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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