I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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