i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
