I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
And then he peed in my hair
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