dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
