put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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