You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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