God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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