I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
