Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
