Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
