Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i think my cat just said my name.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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