I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
