TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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