I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
