so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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