Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
