That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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