sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize