so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
