Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
