my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
