If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I love having hate sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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