I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
