Nicole vs. Life
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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