I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
