He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
