I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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