she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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