You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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