is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
