He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
