Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
