so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Randomize
