god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
