the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
