My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
