I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm at about main and main street
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
