I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
