brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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