I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
is wine microwaveable?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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