My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize