Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
