Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
