I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize