I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
