Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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