You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize