I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
