if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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