She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
