So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
