Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
