Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
