I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize