I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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