I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
